The Secret Sauce of Mental Toughness is NOT What you Think

I get tired of hearing people talk about building mental toughness in athletes, without understanding the dangers of doing it the wrong way. Taught simplistically, an athlete might think toughness is ignoring the pain that leads to injury, or being emotionally trapped to do something that's bad or dangerous for them. As a matter of fact, (and I have seen this in my clients), having a false concept of mental toughness can cause an athlete to ignore valuable physical and emotional feedback, which leads to injury, illness, or abuse.

In this paradigm, the signals of the mind and body are undervalued or distrusted, and the athlete is cut off from their most vital information source–THEMSELVES. Mental toughness does not mean you are a perfect robot, although I see many athletes try to be. After all, perfect robots break.

I used to work with a college wrestling team. Those gladiators would come off of the mat bleeding and with compressed cervical discs and torn knee ligaments. There was no question that the brute mano a mano force of wrestling left very little room for self-doubt and demanded high levels of mental toughness. But for those college guys, years of experience getting flattened allowed them to bend, and not emotionally break, in the wind. But that mindset takes time and is not for young athletes still learning healthy limits.

What Does the New Mental Toughness Look Like?

Instead of mental toughness, I like coaches and parents to think about helping athletes build RESILIENCE. Here in Philly, where a lot of the psychological research happens at UPenn on grit and resilience, Angela Duckworth defines resilience as the capacity to persevere and recover after setbacks, and continuing to pursue goals despite difficulty, failure, or adversity.

Building this kind of resilience early sets athletes up for success not just in sports, but in life.

For an athlete RESILIENCE might look like:

• Staying calm under pressure.

• Bouncing back from mistakes quickly. "Mistakes help me grow."

• Maintaining focus despite distractions.

• Believing in themselves even when the odds are against them.

"Helping athletes become resilient is like building a mental muscle that grows stronger with every challenge. Athletes become lifelong learners, not shame-based humans stuck in limiting beliefs. And that makes my job a lot easier." Mindset Coach Meg

Practical Steps to Build Resilience in Athletes

Building mental toughness isn’t about pushing athletes beyond safe emotional and physical limits. It’s about teaching them how to handle setbacks, stay motivated, speak up, and develop a curious and open mindset as they discover their abilities. Here are some practical ways to get started:

1. Set Clear, Achievable Goals

Help young athletes set specific, realistic goals. Instead of vague targets like “be better,” encourage goals like “improve free throw accuracy by 10% in the next month.” Clear goals give them something concrete to work toward and a way to measure progress.

2. Teach Open & Curious Self-Talk

Our inner voice can be our best friend or worst critic. Teach athletes to replace negative thoughts with helpful ones. For example, instead of thinking “I always mess up,” encourage, “I’m getting better every day in some way.” Instead of saying, "I'll never be as good as them," an athlete can say, "I'm going to get the most out of me." Questions are also great to spark natural curiosity in self-talk. Encourage athletes to ask themselves, "What strengths do I have?" and, "What strategies can I use to improve?"

3. Practice Visualization

Visualization is a powerful tool. Guide athletes to imagine themselves succeeding—making that perfect shot, running their fastest lap, or staying calm under pressure. This mental rehearsal builds confidence and prepares the brain for success. My clients also visualize a mediocre performance, and a setback in competiton, so that can be mentally prepared for a strong response and recovery.

4. Encourage Routine and Consistency

Routines create a sense of control and reduce anxiety. Help athletes develop pre-game rituals or warm-up routines that signal their brain it’s time to focus and perform, such as stretching and practice drills. One of my clients–a field hockey goalie–watches an inspirational pep talk on YouTube.

5. Emphasize Effort Over Outcome

Celebrate hard work and improvement, not just wins. This mindset helps athletes stay motivated and keep the pressure on, even when they don’t come out on top.

6. Teach Stress Management Techniques

Simple breathing exercises, mindfulness, or even short breaks can help athletes manage stress and stay present during competition.

7. Foster a Growth Mindset

Encourage athletes to see challenges as opportunities to grow rather than threats to their self-esteem. Praise their effort, strategies, and persistence, not just natural talent.

How to Handle Setbacks When They Do Happen

Setbacks are inevitable in sports. Injuries, losses, or bad performances can shake confidence. But here’s the good news - setbacks are also the best teachers for mental toughness.

When an athlete faces a setback, guide them through these steps:

• Acknowledge the feelings: It’s okay to feel disappointed or frustrated. Validating emotions helps them process and move forward.

• Analyze what happened: What can they learn from this experience? What can they control next time?

• Create a comeback plan: Set small, manageable steps to improve or recover.

• Stay connected: Encourage support from coaches, teammates, and family. Feeling supported builds resilience.

  
  

Remember, resilience is like a muscle - the more you use it, the stronger it gets.

Incorporating Mental Training for Athletes Into Daily Practice

Mental resilience isn’t built overnight. It requires consistent practice, just like physical skills. Integrating mental training for athletes into daily routines can make a huge difference, as well as noticing and rewarding their emotional development with a high 5, or a brief, "Good work out there."

Try these ideas:

• Start practice with a brief mindfulness or breathing exercise to center their focus like what do you see, hear, and feel with your eyes closed.

• Include mental skill drills like visualization or goal-setting as part of training sessions.

• Use game-like scenarios to practice handling pressure and making quick decisions. For example, have one runner surprise the pack in a workout and fly by them, or have a scrimmage in volleyball, and pick unfair teams.

• Encourage journaling to reflect on progress, challenges, and feelings. One shortcut is to have athletes do what I call the 3 Post Performance Questions (3PPQs) What went well? What did I learn? What do I want to do differently next time?

• Schedule regular check-ins to discuss mental and emotional well-being with a thumbs up, thumbs in the middle, thumbs down if you are in a group or want a quick check-in, but pay attention to your thumb downers.

Meg Waldron has her MS in Sport Psychology and has been a Mental Performance Coach for over 10 years. A former D1 scholarship athlete, coach, and school teacher, Meg brings a wealth of knowledge to her clients to improve their mental game for sport and life.