As parents and caregivers, it's natural to want to support and understand your child's sports experience. However, post-game conversations can be tricky if your child is upset or feels that you're prying. They may also need time to process, so shifting the car ride home to neutral topics like food, music, or the weather, might be a good first move.
While you may have valuable insights, it's important to encourage your child's reflection by asking thoughtful questions that don't suggest your agenda or expectations.
Try starting with general questions about the team before you focus on the individual. Also, keep it light-hearted and funny when appropriate. Referring to your child as, Coach, and asking them to "take us through the highlights" might be a fun way to diffuse any pressure. Here are some essential questions to help your child reflect after a competition:
 Did you enjoy yourself out there?
It's important to gauge your child's overall enjoyment of the game. Their answers may reveal insights into their motivations and provide an opportunity to address any factors that may be affecting their fun.
 How did you feel about the team's performance today?
Team sports often entail shared victories and losses, even though kids like to dump a lot of fault on themselves. By focusing on the team's performance, you can reinforce the value of teamwork and sportsmanship while helping take some of the pressure off of your child for any missteps.
What did you feel you did really well?
Encouraging your child to reflect on their own performance can help them develop self-awareness and accountability. Acknowledge their efforts, and ask them if they want any feedback.
What surprised you the most?
By inquiring about unexpected events, you demonstrate your attentiveness to your child's experiences and can provide support for any surprises or challenges they encountered.
 What was the most challenging part of today?
Understanding the specific challenges your child faced allows you to offer targeted support and guidance. It also shows your child that you are attentive to their experiences on the field or court.
 Did anyone do anything funny, silly, or gross?
Depending on the age of your child or the circumstances, they may appreciate a bit of humor. This can help put them in a positive mood while you share a laugh. They'll know that your care for them is not conditional on sports success. It's also important to show your young athlete that you are willing to level the playing field and not always be in the role of mentor-parent.
Did your coach give you or the team any feedback?
Whether your young athlete or their team won or lost, understanding their emotions surrounding the outcome can help you provide the appropriate level of support and encouragement.
Is there anything you'd like to work on for the next competition?
Encouraging your child to identify areas for improvement empowers them to set a goal, make a plan, and take ownership of their progress. By keeping busy with what's next, athletes are less likely to dwell on what happened.
Remember, the goal of these conversations is not just to dissect the game or match, but to foster open communication, support, and a deeper understanding of your child's journey. By approaching these discussions with empathy, attentiveness, and curiosity, you can provide the reassurance and guidance your child needs to thrive both on and off the field. And, who knows, you might learn something yourself.
Meg Waldron has her Masters in Sport Psychology and works with athletes and teams around the country to develop a healthy athlete mindset.
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