how athletes can build better boundaries

As an athlete or performer, it's high time that you learn to not let the opinions or actions of others make you feel bad about yourself or compromise your values.

You were doing well until someone passed you in a race, stole the ball, or dumped some cheap words about you on social media. When I hear athletes tell of surrendering their power to others, or being too hard on themselves--I know it's time to help them build better boundaries.

"NO, you can't come in my room," "YES, you can play with us." The sign on your bedroom door or tree fort as a kid gave you a sense of personal power and control, and helped you carve out your identity in the tribe. Athletes need to do the same thing, but the arena is often where they give their power away. When it happens repeatedly, this becomes the new identity, a new pattern–I'm not good enough, and that won't change. It's time to build better boundaries.

A person who lets the actions of others affect how they feel about themselves is saying YES to giving their power away. A person who doesn't let someone take up real estate in their head, is saying, NO, you don't get to do that.

It takes true bravery to stand in your power and not give it away. Unlike human virtues of humor, kindness, or curiosity, bravery to be and protect yourself is that strength that can also feel scary, because you are breaking a pattern. Think saving a baby from a burning building, or telling someone you're sorry. Those are hard and difficult experiences to endure. The thing is...bravery feels good AFTER you've unleashed it.

Think about a time when you were brave. Break that down into 3 parts: Before you did it, while you were doing it, and after you did it. The Before was full of terrifying doubt, the During was scary and intense, and the After was full of all the good feelings: relief, joy, exhilaration, pride.

It takes bravery to stand in your power.

It takes bravery to not give it away.

This I call STANDING IN YOUR POWER. When you are strong in your power, you don't lose yourself to others. You actually show up and step into yourself.

ACTIVITY:

Make a YES list of what you allow to make you feel good:

ie, hard work, good hydration/nutrition, being organized, treating yourself like a best friend.

Make a NO list of what you don't allow to make you feel bad:

ie, pressure from the expectations of others, negative self-talk, giving up.

For me, this is a big part of building better boundaries--nailing down your YESs and NOs and bravely standing in them. "Can someone compete by your side and push you to a great performance?" YES. Do you let a teammate's actions make you feel bad about yourself? That's a NO. Rehearse your YESs and NOs before you head out into the world. Use them bravely not just in sport, but in life. You'll be happier and more successful.

Meg Waldron has her Masters in Sport Psychology and works with athletes to help them recover joy and success in sport. A long-time sport coach and school teacher, Meg was a high school All-American track athlete and competed full scholarship in college.